Well, the main reason I'm posting is to offer the wonderful explanations as to why I haven't been updating anything and am otherwise dead to ff.net...

A lot has happened since February. In fact, I'd venture to say that in the roughly four months since I've last updated I have experienced more drama than all of my years of high school combined. It has been an insane journey.

Let us go way back to late March, just a few days before Spring Break... Back then, my plans for next year involved an apartment off campus with my current roommate and a mutual friend. Well, about three weeks prior to Spring Break, both started inexplicably avoiding me and blowing me off. For a while I wrote it off as paranoia, but eventually it just became too obvious what they were doing. As you can imagine, it is extremely difficult to avoid someone you share a bedroom with and my roommate was doing an excellent job.

When I finally confronted them on it, I discovered that they saw me as "Mean" and believed that I would "lord things over them". Now, my roommate, a girl I had been good friends with since age 14, had a history of confiding things in me. Not once have I ever betrayed her trust. Not once. So, while I was miffed at the other girl (who was uncomfortable with me for something that didn't even happen... long story...), I was deeply hurt by what she did. Up until that point, those two girls were my only close friends at school.

Thankfully though, at the time I was forging a new friendship with a girl named Mel who really helped me through that period. And I was also getting a foot into an other group of people that are essentially awesome... Of course, right after being completely emotionally trashed by a really good friend, my best friend who was supposed to pick me up at the airport when I flew down to visit her canceled on me at the last minute.

That really, really hurt. Thankfully, another friend of mine that I had planned on spending most of the vacation with (the other friend had to go back to school, hence I had to find lodging elsewhere) was able to take me in early and my older brother was able to pick me up from the airport.

My time there actually turned out to be really fun. My friend and I worked through our differences (she canceled on me for fairly legitimate circumstances, it just stung so badly due to the close proximity of it to the other dramas of my life...).

So I got back from Spring Break and my roommate and I worked things out. It was decided, however, that I will not be living with them next year. (It's the dorms again for me, lord help us all.) They have yet to find another roommate.

Anyway, that takes us right up to the beginning of April. Things were fine in April for the most part, I even got around to writing a bit more and thought I would be able to post my latest chapter of Spider's Web that month... But that's when Mel started having problems, or rather, her problems became more pronounced.

Since this girl had been there for me when I needed her most, I decided it was my duty to return the favor. So I spent a lot of time being there for her. Essentially this was my life: Mel, homework, eating, class, sleep. That is in order of importance and I'd like to point out that 'sleep' was last. I really had little time for anything else, my creative juices waned considerably.

Well, from here, things got worse. I became really angry for no apparent reason (although I have a lot of underlying issues...); Mel and I eventually decided we needed to take a trip to relieve stress. So we went to her hometown which is a couple hours away, stayed the night at her house and went to scream on the beach. It was here that I killed my cellphone.

This launched a massive fight with my father (upon whom I am dependent for my college funds)... Things got so bad we seriously considered severing all ties. Sometimes my father is less mature than I am. And when that happens, all hell breaks loose. So I had to be the bigger person and find common ground between us and apologize. I also got my cellphone service switched over to my mom's account, which helped. Of course, my father now owes me over $100 for the cellphone bill which he seems to be avoiding... but that's another story.

So this drama lasted about a week.

Then Mel got put on suicide watch. Two weeks later, she disappeared for three days. I didn't realize until the third day that she was gone because our schedules sometimes didn't allow for us to hang out except for late at night. I figured she was trying to get more sleep or just shutting out the world, which she does occasionally. Then, on the third day her roommate contacted me to find out if I knew where she was... So I contacted some of the Residential Assistants... The only contact I had with her in that period of time was a 3am text message on Tuesday morning (she's last been seen Sunday) that said only, "I'm sorry" (I had also just replaced my cellphone that Monday).

That was one of the worst nights of my life. But, in the wee hours of Wednesday morning, I got another text message from her saying that she was alright and going home for a bit.

At this, I was angry, and happy, but mostly angry.

Later I found out that she had disappeared with the intent of killing herself. She tried and (thankfully) failed. I also found out that the last time I had seen her before her disappearance (early Sunday afternoon), she had already planned it out. By this point we were very close and I considered her my best friend on campus. I was so hurt by everything...

Anyway, I'm still working through the pain of that experience. I went to the counseling center at school, but they had no one open to start seeing me regularly. Although I did uncover some other issues I've got which were very nicely accentuated by what happened with Mel...

That is to say that I find myself, for varying reasons, to be inherently worthless. I was not enough to stop one of my best friends from killing herself, I'm not good enough to be a roommate to a girl I've known and been good friends with for four years, I'm not enough for my parents to keep up-to-date photos of me, I'm not worth enough to prompt my parents to speak to each other unless a lawyer is forcing them, I'm not enough for my mother to consider not completely uprooting my life multiple times, I'm not worth enough for my friends to come and visit me (I always go and see them.. this is a stupid reason, but it's still there), I'm not worth enough to have a boyfriend or be more than an easy to forget date...

Basically I'm one big, fat pity party.

However, on a happier note, I have more friends now than I've had in a loooong time. I'm on decent terms with my roommate (although I'm not sure we will ever be as close as we were), I've repaired to an extent relations with the "mutual friend", my father and I are on speaking terms (and even managed to have a couple phone conversations without arguing, which NEVER happens)... and, the cherry on top, my sister just had her second child today!

It's all very exciting. Also, my last final is tomorrow, which I'm celebrating (while completely dreading having to move out of the dorms... I've got a lot of crap!).

Well, I think I've gone on long enough, but hopefully this offered up an acceptable account of why I've dropped off the face of the planet...


Oh, and on another note more directly related with my fic.... I'm sorry everyone for unleashing that on to the world. I've looked back over the writing, which I once considered to be quite impressive stuff...

Dear god, what was I thinking?

That said, I'm still a bit too stubborn to give up completely on Spider's Web... and I do have a chunk of chapter 14 finished...

But it's gonna take a while. Maybe a couple weeks. Probably more.

Life is insane folks, and it's taking me down with it.

-DRW-

Okay...

So I've updated OSW... which is good I guess, but I really should have been working on Spider's Web, which I haven't touched in longer than I'm willing to admit...

It's still probably going to be a while even though for the first time in a long time I'm feeling pumped to work on it because I've got a lot on my plate right now. I have a paper due Monday for my Soc. class and an "episode" due in my Creative Writing class (my most favoritest class ever!).

The paper is supposed to be a reading response from readings that will probably take me four solid hours to get through (yay...). The "Episode" is like a segment of a story, it doesn't have to be a complete story or anything and just 500-1,000 words long. My current one is featuring a ninth grader on a first date (I had to choose from a list) at a funeral parlor (also picked from a given list). I'm actually having a lot of fun with it so far.

Also, I have to read about two short stories and be ready for a class discussion for CRWR too.

And I have to work on Fridays and Saturdays (though I'm taking tonight off due to the fact that if I breathe on the sandwiches I'd make, I'd probably get people sick...), as well as Tuesdays. Then there's a semi-regular gym schedule in which I try to go four times a week (though it's only three this week bc of the whole sick thing).

Add to this that I'm trying to have a social life, sleep, and eat every once in a while... it's a lot. But this is only week two of the term. I'll get a plan of action down soon and that should get me some more writing time.

Ugh, well I feel like lying down right now...

So goodbye for now people.

-DRW-

Well okay... A couple things have occurred to me just recently.

The first is that Spider's Web will never be perfect or consistent, no matter how much editing is put into it. But I still want to make it pretty and typo free. Just because it can't be perfect doesn't mean it can't be good. I'm still very much a novice writer. I'll settle for 'good' any day. Right now though I'd give it a solid "ehhh, it's okay". This I'd rather not settle for, hence the editing. (THANK YOU Silente Faerie!!!!)

The second is that Spider's Web is a learning experience. I have recently discovered that it is impossible (for me at least) to do this writing thing alone. I need to be able to discuss and bounce ideas off of people to be able to make anything worth reading. Everything I've written for it thus far lacks this quality, hence the reason it keeps changing tempos.

Having gone through these realizations, I will now say that I have started working (after a creative slump breaky thing) on the next chapter. I had a little less than four pages written and I wasn't entirely happy with it, but I'm working with it and I've now got over five pages done... Sorry the pace is so slow. Ideally it will be out by Christmas.

...Right, sure it will.

Anyway, just know that I am working and the slump thingy has started to release me.

Merry Whatever.

<3

DRW

Okay everyone... -cricket chirps-

Err... right.

Anyway I've fallen into a creative slump and I am hoping to god that it is only temporary because it has stolen from me my one freedom (in the sense that I have many factors holding me back... which I do, even if most of them are self inflicted). It has caused me a horrible case of writer's block.

Basically, I've fallen into a rather pessimistic attitude about pretty much everything and I can't even think straight. I can barely do my school papers and whatnot.

Which really isn't good because I am now officially in Dead Week. Let us all hope that the name is not literal.

I hate sounding like a whiny baby.

I am completely isolated from everyone.

And it's my own fault.

Bleh. Woe is me.

I'll be over this soon. I always get over it.

So sorry for delays!

<3

DRW

I'm feeling kind of emo right now.

Hense, well.. everything (especially my emo-esque picture that only slightly resembles me...).

Anyway, I've started this thing for the benefit of those that read my fics or are just interested in being my friend. I like friends.

Okay...

Well, I'm actually pretty tired... so I'll post more later!

Love,

DRC... eh, DRW...